Death Be Not Proud
Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so
Despite the title, and the introduction, this isn’t a blog on death. In fact — it is the exact opposite; it is on living life. It’s just that (as I podcasted a bit on here) we often have to experience a low to learn about our highs.
When my dog, BearBear, was 5 years old, she was diagnosed with terminal lymphoma, and with treatment was given about a year to live. We, of course, vowed to make that year as meaningful and fun for her as possible, and I can say with a great deal of confidence we did. Almost every morning started with a 4:30 AM run or hike in the mountains of Colorado. BearBear was off leash, chasing marmots and foxes and spotting dear and even an occasional bear from time to time. We should all be so lucky.
BearBear
About 14 months later, on a particular Sunday night, BearBear was still with us, still hiking every morning, still living life to her fullest. I reference Sunday night because that day a 60 Minutes clip came on about animals in zoos, which has become an increasingly controversial topic. As part of covering both sides of the story, 60 Minutes interviewed a researcher and wildlife expert. This is where things took a turn for me. It is the impetus for this article.
The expert said something so simple yet so remarkable (or I would come to learn — we’ll get there soon). He noted that animals don’t have a strong concept of time, and almost certainly have no concept of death. So if an animal were to live a day or a year or 60 years — it was of tiny relevance to that animal. Again they don’t grasp their future or impermanence. What matters, and by that I think he meant the only thing that matters, is not quantity of days but quality of days. Quantity of days is irrelevant, and thus quality of days takes on all relevance. It is 100% what you want in the well-being of an animal or beloved pet.
This was very comforting. BearBear hardly had a bad day in her life. And her last year plus 4 months (life gave her an extra four months!) were pretty much as joyous as it gets. But that run eventually took its course, and she finally succumbed to her lymphoma.
But the story, or lesson learned, doesn’t quiet end here. In fact, this blog isn’t about dogs or animals. It’s about us. For whatever reason, I never could quite shake what that expert said, and on one run one morning it was really on my mind. I was still missing something.
What I was missing, or what hit me that morning, was this: humans do not understand our future or impermanence either. We really don’t. I think maybe those who have had incredible near-death experiences do, the kinds you read about where the person was technically “dead” for 5 minutes or in a coma for a week, etc. A good deal say that life really slows down for them after — that things that once seemed so serious now seem trivial. I’ll exclude that group. Also those who have recently lost loved ones. It would be unfair to make any kind of observation about what they go through because grieving takes on many forms. My observation, though, was that for the vast majority of us, we can say “life is fleeting,” but we don’t think what that really means. We just say it and move on to whatever it is we were doing before someone encouraged us to say it without thinking on it. So here is my point, and I wish I had a stronger ability to articulate it. I’ll do the best I can, which I think won’t be good enough.
What matters to humans is not how many days we have on this planet, but the quality of each day.
That’s it. So basic, but so powerful. I had that revelation almost a year ago to this date. In the past year, I have traveled an incredible amount, grown my firm to add people I care deeply about, run in races and run in the mountains of Colorado almost every single day I have been there, I ran a sub 6 minute mile, a goal of mine for the past 20 or so years, and the first time since high school I’ve been able to do so, I’ve (at times) stopped worrying so much. Most importantly, by far, I’ve connected, I’ve really connected, with people who are in my life who make every day more meaningful to me.
I’ll wrap my thoughts up with someone else’s words, not mine — and then I’ll my own twist. The quote is my all-time favorite.
“You have exactly one life in which to do everything you will ever do. Act accordingly.”
- Colin Wright
My take now is a bit different. I have no idea what my life will amount to. None of us do. So the heck with that. Each day is a gift we are given to live to the absolute fullest. And I am. I invite you to do so too. It feels so much better in the moment.
–Mike