How to Set a New Year’s Resolution (So It Will Work This Time)
The top 10 most common New Year’s Resolutions are the following:
Exercise more
Lose weight
Get organized
Learn a new skill or hobby
Live life to the fullest
Save more money / spend less money
Quit smoking
Spend more time with family and friends
Travel more
Read more
Odds are you’ve resolved to do at least one of them on January 1 of a past year, and odds are incredibly weighted toward you not having followed through for the year. According to a 2016 study, of the 41% of Americans who make New Year’s resolutions, by the end of the year only 9% feel they were successful in keeping them. According to another study from 2021 resolutions, 64% of people quit their New Year resolutions in the first month! 30 days or fewer and they were out!
Here’s the thing. If you are doing this, you are likely making one of two mistakes: (1) you are relying on willpower alone, the research on which shows that it fatigues over time no different than a muscle, or (2) you aren’t picking the right resolutions — or, to quote Viktor Frankl, author of my favorite self-help book of all time, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how,” meaning you may have the right resolutions but not the right reason for it. The real, imprinted, psychological reason why it matters to you.
I’ve blogged already on #1. Willpower depletion can be overcome. But let’s look at #2, that you aren’t picking the right resolution, or you are, but for the wrong reasons. At the surface level, each of the top 10 listed above sound healthy to you, right? Exercise more! Quit smoking! Live life to the fullest!!! How in the world could that not be a good resolution?
We are taught in this 24/7 evaluative society to focus on the external world. Study after research shows this to be true. What do OTHER people look like? Where are OTHER people on Instagram traveling? You aren’t other people. You are specifically and uniquely YOU. That, in fact, is your superpower. There is no one on this planet exactly like you but you.
One of my favorite podcasters/authors is Rich Roll, a former lawyer who while working in the legal arena fell prey to alcoholism to handle the stresses of life. As an article on Roll aptly states, “Once upon a time, Rich Roll was 50 pounds overweight, middle-aged, and dealing with a drinking problem. Today, he’s one of the planet’s most elite athletes. It spiraled quickly.” I’ve listened to Roll a great deal, and a common refrain comes up — his day, every day, starts with the same priority: don’t drink. Not his wife, not his children, not his running or writing. That one simple directive. Which simply means he is prioritizing himself. Because if that one part of himself falls apart, so too will all that follows. For Roll, when he had his very first beer, it was the perfect key that finally fit into the lock he couldn’t open. I have had the incredible fortune to interview two of the leading substance abuse experts on the planet, Dr. Gabor Maté and Dr. Anna Lembke. They both, I believe, would say that after that drink, Roll had little chance against his need for that feeling, until he learned that one simple truth. Prioritize yourself. Not for anyone else, but for you. And then everyone else will benefit. For Rich Roll, his WHY makes the HOW a lot more doable. Day after day. year after year.
“You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration.” – James Allen
Try this, then. Before you set your resolution, think of yourself. Not the society we live in that makes appearances for the sake of appearances the #1 priority. To quote esteemed and late writer David Foster Wallace, “Have the discipline to talk out of the part of yourself that can love instead of the part that just wants to be loved.” In other words — love yourself. That is your resolution. And amazingly, the others that haven’t stuck will follow that one simple step.