I Thought I Had Two Lives, But It Turned Out To Be Only One

“We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.”

These words, attributed to Confucius, were written 2,500 years ago when life span was — if you were lucky — 20 to 30 years. Yet, even with what would seem to us now as such limited time, Confucius saw what we see in abundance today. Time, our only resource that really matters in this fleeting moment we have on the beautiful pale blue dot, is taken for granted. Carpe Diem often come too late, when we want to seize the day but some days we just can’t — responsibilities, health, or life are simply now in the way.

Think of all the wasted moments that must have happened on this planet since Confucius uttered these words. If people had simply lived by them. Heard them. Understood them. Now think of your own life.

This is easy for me, I did it all wrong. I lived like I had two lives and then some — thinking life would be carefree forever. Thinking I had limitless time and days to waste. Even little things; I remember as if it were yesterday my Mom laughing at me for taking weight gain shakes obsessively and saying “one day you’ll look back at this and grin that you were trying to gain weight” she said with the wisdom of a mother. My response: “do you even know what you’re talking about, Mom?” I laughed back.

I thought I had two lives. I argued with people I loved. I thought about the future instead of living in the present. I beat myself up over past mistakes. Over things done to me that were completely outside of my control but that I blamed myself for. I thought I’d never slow down. That I could run and live with reckless abandon. No one in my life would leave. No one would die.

But I only have one. At 52 these words ring with more clarity and urgency than I would have ever thought possible. There’s finality in them — but that lets me realize I can also do things I never thought possible when blissfully gliding through life. That when I have a good day I need to make the most of it. Slow and down and embrace every moment. I was injury free and up at 3AM this morning so I hiked my dog in the mountains. I get now, more than ever, these wonderful moments have an expiration date. If I don’t do it now, then when? One hike will eventually be my last. One blog my last. Every one I ever care about, I will have a last moment with them. This may sound like gloom, but for me it is quite the opposite. I use it as motivation.

I can life in the present

I can be vulnerable

I can grow 

What is the point of inaction, when we know with every passing day we have less actions left in us? Knowledge is power, impermanence liberation. 

Author Aliza Grace wrote the following lines below. They ring true today just as those of Confucius did 2,5000 years ago. Don’t think you have two lives. Live like you have one. Text that person now.

here is your little reminder that life is temporary 

text that person 

dye your hair 

take a long drive 

wear that outfit 

try something new 

spend your money 

laugh until you cry

and then cry until you laugh

Mike Spivey 

We are our own griefs. We are our own happinesses. We are our own remedies.