5 Ways to Get People to Like You on First Impression
Disclosure: This list doesn’t come from me, rather someone named “Neo” (yep, his Matrix-like name!) four years ago online. I have taken his list, because I find these spot on, and added a bit to each.
In writing this, I was greatly influenced by Dale Carnegie’s book How to Make Friends and Influence People, mentors such as Jeff Chapman (a close friend and Global M&A Chair at Gibson Dunn), best-selling author and therapist Terry Real, best selling-authors and TED Talk speakers Dr. Judson Brewer and Dr. Guy Winch, and so, so many others, including many dear friends of mine. “Likable” people have some things they almost all share in common, and this list hits 5 of them, arguably the most important 5. I hope it is helpful to read. Who doesn’t want to be likable on first impression?
“Eye contact. This is essential in conversations and you have to look like you are genuinely interested in whatever it is they are talking about because, depending on the expression on your face when responding to them, it will affect the relationship greatly. Try to read their expressions too, if possible; do they look bored? Do they look offended? Should you change the subject? Etc. etc.” My comments: I am horrible at eye contact, but I"ll immodestly say pretty good at reading quickly what interests other people. So I am 50/50 here! I’m working on eye contact!
“Try to find some thing in common. People like each other more quickly if they have something in common be it hobbies, favorite shows, experience, etc.” This is backed by overwhelming research. People hire, for example, more for commonality than for a skill the hiring person needs. In admissions, having something in common with an application reader can turn into an admit. I have hundreds of real-life stories here.
“Be a good listener and be the better person. Let’s face it, some people are insensitive or perhaps annoying, but maybe they never realize it or they never intended to be, so you’ve got to adapt to situations. If you’re talking to a talkative person, try not to cut them off in the middle of their sentences, if you’re talking with a ‘jerk’-like person (that’s not actually a jerk), try not to take their words too seriously and try to joke around and follow their conversation, and if you’re talking with someone shy or quiet you need to take the initiative and make a topic for them to talk about and be patient if they speak too little because they generally are shy or quiet (adapt to situations).” Love this advice. Deep down almost every single one of us are good humans. We are born that way! We go through what psychologists refer to as “adaptive” changes as children because our minds crave safety and security above all else. These can become maladaptive as adults, but the good inner person is still there. Take, for example, a rather mild adaptive mechanism of crying in public and throwing a tantrum. Adaptive for a lost child, people will help that child. Maladaptive for a stressed adult. I love what Dr. Gabor Maté said: “When you see the 50-year-old homeless person drinking on the street out of a paper bag, try to see inside the hurt or traumatized child inside them.” It makes you look at people with so much more compassion.
“Know your limits. You need to know your space. Don’t be too friendly or too distant because this might cause you to be caught in an awkward situation where you’ll blow your chances of being liked by people.” I’d add, as we get older we have to prioritize people. I immediately answer every single call from Chancellor Kent Syverud, a mentor of mine, and I only call him once a year, because I know how absurdly busy he is. So I get that I am a priority to some and not to others, which hopefully makes me more likable than when I was younger and felt rejection, because I also don’t feel rejected if I am not. That’s just life for us all.
“Just smile, be polite, and friendly in general. Don’t be afraid to make friends and try to talk to people. In most cases people tend to ‘not talk to strangers,’ but if you want to be liked by people then in most cases you’ll need to start up a conversation first and remember to be polite, helpful, and friendly.” Smiling is a wonder drug. I do it so much I actually hurt my jaw. Think of it like this: Would you rather a stranger scowl at you or smile at you? Who are you drawn to? It’s that easy, as is this wonderful list!
– Mike
We are our own griefs. We are our own happinesses. We are our own remedies.