David Versus Goliath: On Being The Underdog
There’s a triple entendre embedded in the title, that I think has made parts of my life, and hopefully this blog, worth sharing. You likely know the story of David versus Goliath, of the discounted and maligned underdog taking out the giant champion. It’s classic, much like the song “Bigger Isn’t Better” I used to sing to myself on the school bus, often sitting alone coming home from elementary school. “Bigger isn't keener. Larger isn't bolder. Higher might be low inside!”
I was told often, by my older brother David, that I was bad at everything. That I wasn’t going to amount to anything. To be fair, I was small, and slow — the second slowest in the grade and shy. I had friends but was afraid of sleep-overs and letting people down. I was told constantly by David that I was a let down. That I was a disappointment to my parents. Whatever would seem to hurt or sink in I was told. This for whatever reason became his sweet spot, and sadly continues to this day; higher might be low inside.
There are two of the three David’s right there. A third is coming, and this is where I hope this story can help others. Because the third David was critical in changing my life’s direction. That direction led me to being a successful athlete and three sport captain in high school baseball, football, and track. People started to pay a decent amount of attention — I was bigger and much faster. I was good at several things. Today, I have the great honor of running a consulting firm and the care and responsibility for not just all at our firm, but also their families who they support. That plus the attention of being in the national media can be both overwhelming, but also gives a platform to help others at times. I have my doubts and insecurities like anyone else, but I can say this: I am no longer sitting alone. I am no longer discounted or left out.
What was the bridge? Surely there were many things: I can’t deny that I all of a sudden got much more athletic and then out going around my freshman year in high school. But let’s go back to that third David, and back to when I was still small. Still a poor performer at many things.
David Campbell was my middle school history teacher and later, would encourage me to play football and become my freshman football coach. When he met me I was far from the coolest, most popular, most intelligent, or anything resembling remarkable. In a school of hundreds and grade of many dozens, he could have taken interest in any of a number of people. But he took interest in me. He told me if I worked at it, I could do more pushups than anyone in the school. Seemingly a small thing, right? But I did. I have blogged about this before, here, because it wasn’t all good to be doing hundreds of these every single day. But it was that much needed boost. I was, by a cool, popular and authority figure, capable. I was believed in.
Nothing is quite as black and white as this story would read. I’m certain my parents believed in me. There were days when my older brother would feel guilt and apologize. But little things can go a long way. I remember when my freshman high school girlfriend broke up with me, I went to David Campbell’s office. I wanted that boost again. I couldn’t bring myself to go into his office, it felt too embarrassing, so I just cried. But I was nearby an ally, and I had a belief-system that took hold. Those who acted higher, probably were smaller inside.
So there’s two things I learned. First, the person treating me as an inferior probably has something going on with them, and I am probably not quite the person they are making me out to be. At 52 this is incredibly easy to do now, when it ever happens which it still does, despite that aforementioned attention (in fact because of it). I publicly speak about this a great deal, overt grandiosity always masks covert insecurity.
The second is the biggest though. All someone might need from you to change their life is the boost of belief. Honestly, maybe David Campbell had little reason to think I could do more pushups than anyone. It must have been at minimum somewhat trivial to him, as I can’t imagine he could credit it might be life changing. But he said it anyway, and I believed in it. And his statement became a fulfilling outcome — I kept at it. If we see someone down, struggling, with low self-regard, we have the power to be there for them. We all can be that bridge from going to discounted to believing in oneself. It just takes, at times, the tiniest of action and encouragement. Like it did for me, 40 years ago from a kind David who helped me to stand up to the Goliaths that life can bring.
Mike Spivey
I am compelled to add I stayed in touch with David Campbell over Facebook and he would message me often. He passed away several years ago. I never told him quite this story, but I think he knew it.