How Are You Doing At Life? (10 Simple Indicators That You Are Thriving)

Life today is remarkably different than it has been for the vast majority of human existence and much of that can be boiled down to one thing — comparison. We live in a 24/7 evaluative society; how does my house or car compare to that of my neighbors? Your level of physical attractiveness? How many friends do you have on Facebook and followers on Instagram? How much money do you make versus everyone you know?

The list of these externally-based self-worth inventories is almost inexhaustible, but more insidious is the very fact that they are externally, not internally based. They are conditioned upon others. In an era where we (mostly) no longer resource insufficient to the point we need to focus on survival, we often find ourselves caring far too much about what others have and think about us. Which means far too little about what really matters — our thoughts about own unconditional self-worth. To quote what 20 year best-selling author and therapist Terry Real said to me on my podcast: “I’m here, I belong. No better or worse than you but I made it. I have worth.”

Which leads to this list. None of these are originally mine, I have gathered these thoughts and tried to put in my own words from articles, books I’ve read, and luminary experts I have interviewed on my podcast like Dr. Gabor Mate, Dr. Guy Winch, Dr. Judson Brewer, Dr. Anna Lemke, author and coach Brad Stulberg and more. What they have in common is simply that they stood out to be as healthy. As things I am working on, or that I strive for. Things that, when I am doing them, I am thriving in life. I even counted up how many I am currently doing well and came up with a score. Want to do the same? Here’s the list:

1. At some point you started caring less about the external word — who others are, and took a deep inventory of your internal well-being — who you are. You started to focus on who you want to be in the world and how you are going to get there.

2. In the words of author and coach Brad Stulberg you traded the cheap dopamine of dreaming about the thing, thinking about the thing, and talking about the thing” for the lasting dopamine of “doing the thing.”

3. You stopped trying to emulate others or take advice from people, including celebrities or influencers that you have never once spoken to, who are not where you want to be in life or whose values do not align with yours.

4. You started to see that almost nothing should ever really be taken personally. 99% of what we think others are directing at us, is actually about them and what’s going on inside their minds.

5. Similarly, you saw that no one is coming to save your problems. Your life is 100% your responsibility and this is a good thing because you have agency inn where you are heading nd who you will be.

6. You’ve figured out that you don’t need 100 self-help books on the same topic, what you need is simply to take action on a consistent basis. We are what we do, not what we think about doing.

7. That said, you are forever curious and learning. We live in the greatest time on human history to acquire new information, skills and passion. So you are learning, listening to podcasts and taking in new information every single day.

8. You’ve greatly diminished how you think of rejection (check out the podcast from Dr. Guy Winch if you need help here, his advice was life-changing for me, rejection isn’t even real it a super-sized genetic echo). So on a good day(s) you are constantly going out and creating your own chances. In fact you are doing this almost every day!

9. You have seen that cheap comfort is the worst addiction. You choose lasting contentment over short term pleasure. “You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as you dominant aspiration.”

and finally, the one I think is most important and so often the most neglected.

10. You love yourself such that you have learned to always keep your standards high and don't settle for something simply because it's available. You’ve drawn a live, and live above it.

Do you want to compare scores? How about, let’s not for once ion my life. I am happy just knowing mine, and I hope you found these as beneficial as I did. I’ll end with my favorite quote, and once for which I end most of these blogs, please never forget that We are our own griefs. We are our own happinesses. We are our own remedies.